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Survival Instinct vs. Empathy: How Contradictory Expectations Fragment the Male Psyche

Isabella Kristin • Jun 04, 2022

He shall be a headstrong, fearless leader, a rock in stormy times, a fulltime provider, a soft - hearted hero, yet always ready to attack and defend himself, his woman and family, futile to his enemies, yet gentle, loving and tender at home. He shall lead, take responsibility, be an excellent lover, be in his healthy masculine, the solid warrior, like a symbol emerging from the flames of a hellish apocalypse he just survived, his blood and body fueled with testosterone. The same man is supposed to be gentle and kind at the same second to anyone weaker and be a supreme, caring partner to his woman.
Nobody even seems to see the contradiction within: It is virtually physically IMPOSSIBLE to be in survival mode and highly empathic at the same time, since the bodily and mental conditions of both states contradict each other.

A man on the hormonal drive to annihiliate the enemy cannot worry about the ants he has killed while fearlessly stepping forwards and towards danger, his tunnel vision has no room for mercy, his senses are ready to literally defeat and terminate the enemy, whatever that enemy may be. Any hesitation or fear will weaken him, take away his drive and willpower to succeed.


Society expects men to automatically identify with the hero image, the warrior for the good cause, the defender of the family, who will be discharged and sacrificed in emergency cases until the very day, with "women and children first", leaving good men, fathers, brothers and sons to die for the sake of their weaker family members.

Yet the same society expects men to have deep empathy, to switch from soldier to gentleman, pampering a lady like as if they were some computer, to be soft spoken and kind while the blood on
their sword is still warm.


To call this cruel to the male psyche is an understatement.


Throughout all Social Media Channels men are reaching out to their male and female audience, as coaches, perpetrators, victims, fathers, sons, specific personnel and they all share a common, burning soul desire: How can we, as men and society, deal with this narrative and programming in a way that does not continue to fragment our psyche? How can we be men without stunting our emotional growth and honest expression, yet stay strong within challenges, which are meant to make us evolve?

How can men lead healthy relationships with women they truly love with their heart and soul, create healthy relationships with their family of origin and create the family of their own they themselves deeply desire? How can they overcome their trauma and deal with unresponsive, toxic family members wich burden them with expectations that are outdated or interfere with their own soul path?


How can men be unashamed with their own sexuality and archaic expressions, how can they learn to overcome and tame the beast within, only to be unleashed onto the true enemy in case of immediate danger?


How can they learn to bond with one another during a healthy, explorative competition versus a self-destructive one?


A competition for the bigger supporter/innovater for family, the weak or the community rather than who can keep more drugs or alcohol down, as an example. It can also be something more sexy to men like any physical competition, anything that serves a greater vision, keeps the body healthy and the mind engaged.


How can they define and celebrate healthy masculinity when they are being constantly met with resistance, fear and the suggestion to be evil? How can they find their true soul purpose, aligned with their energetic, male physical expressions?

How can they balance their need for sexual variety with their need for intimacy and closeness with a woman?
How can they use their powerful drive for their own mind and soul expansion?
 
Sadly, society is programmed like a matrix to give rewards for instant gratification, which in reality is secretly built upon the fast depletion of the human life force energy and this programming is specifically targeted at the male reptilian brain.
A man that can easily be seduced into meaningless pleasure is a weak man, ready to be brainwashed and used for a bigger agenda he is totally unaware of.


How can men learn to direct their life force with meaning and sense, how can they feel appreciated and seen in society and be a true partner to women? How can they live a life that is not a constant strive for survival, but rather a preparation for it, dedicated to higher evolution? How can they learn to be in a healthy, balanced, divine male expression with so little good examples around?


Considering the male drive to achieve and grow, to hold and contain, to direct and to strategize, to lead and to expand, yet needing the balanced counterpart of grounding energy to not get into hyperdrive, let me quote like this:


"It is better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war."


Yet having and growing a garden will greatly boost your overall happiness and health.







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